25 FEBBRAIO 2024 - RECOVERING FROM A BITTERSWEET LETDOWN.

Good morning everyone, dear readers of the Wandering Writer! How are you? Yesterday the hectic life came to a halt. Nothing serious, the daily to-do list is always long, and, like a good Cancerian, the past comes knocking at the door, sometimes with feelings that are hard to bear. Yesterday in particular was a special day, which I want to somehow leave a trace of on this blog.

Four years ago I was pregnant, in the last week of my second pregnancy, and it was moving day for my family: the man I had decided to build one with, my first-born daughter Chikaima Maitea and my second in my womb. It was not an easy move, there was still no covid here in Scotland, but the tension between me and the girls' father was very high. I remember that everything I couldn't do he experienced with annoyance (I was 38 weeks and the eldest was 15 months old,

always glued to me, especially when we moved to the new house, which I had never seen and about which I had several doubts about the distance from my workplace).

The thought that guided me in those days was to live every single moment of what I knew would be the last pregnancy of my life to the fullest.

I was also afraid to leave my first-born alone, and ultimately I was afraid of the birth (which I had decided would be another caesarean, unfortunately) and breastfeeding.

Four years passed, eventually the relationship with the father sank because I realised he was not happy living together with me and I could not accept some of his behaviour.

Now we are fine, the stubbornness of both girls makes everything I decide to do with them and for myself slow down, for which ten years would not be enough.

Right now I have several tools in my hands and I know that, with the right perseverance and organisation, they could be the tools that would shape the life I want to live together with my daughters.

I also know that this digital world has a lot of potential, and I have entrusted myself to a professional who is teaching me different strategies to exploit this potential for my benefit.

However, some signals, sometimes unintentional, put me off.

Why do I write this blog, open a YOUTUBE channel, have a Facebook page?

First of all, to talk to someone about what I read, what I study and learn every day in this life: like when I was at university and I used to tell my dad about the courses I was taking and the information I was gathering during my internship at the RAI studios in Turin about Yiddish culture.

A second motivation, and this is more related to the YouTube channel, to leave an audio and video mark for my daughters when I am no longer on this earth. (SPOILER: WE WILL ALL DIE, INCLUDING YOU WHO ARE READING THIS).

A third reason is the one that unites all those who create content on the web: to have a salary to live on today and tomorrow.

And I want to live by promoting the stories I learn from books, by telling them, related to the places I have lived and live in and those I would like to live in, and thus help others to focus their energy and money on something, or someone, that uplifts mankind, mainly by diverting finances away from cigarettes, alcohol abuse and the drug trade. Today I am going to finish reading Anna Bonacina's book 'L'estate in cui fiorirono le fragole', a novel that mixes different genres: there is a detective story, romance novels, narrated with a colourful register, which makes one reflect and entertain. I will tell you about it in a video on the YouTube channel soon! Thank you for getting this far and allowing me to put some thoughts, and some emotions, in order! If you would like to help the first illustrator of the Cosmopolitan Family publishing project, here are the links where you can buy the first book in English and Italian!